I was going to title this post “Protecting Your Marriage” but I decided to put this in first person perspective. I’ve been thinking about writing this for awhile and have had several ideas bouncing around in my head about what I wanted to convey.
It ties in slightly with the commands for us to dress modestly, so that is where I will start. I Tim 2:9
I know there are so many differing standards about what “modesty” is, even amongst the Christian community. I am so appalled at some of the clothing I see women and men wearing, even to church. Young girls wearing tight knit tops with spaghetti straps, barely covering their bosom, with short shorts. Are these girls only in the youth group to seduce the boys in the youth group? It makes me wonder why the church has a youth group and what is the purpose and mission of the youth group.
I see women in the congregation wearing tops that expose their cleavage or their top is so low that when they bend over, anyone standing close by can see their breasts. Can you even begin to imagine what the pastor is exposed to looking at, when he is standing up on the stage? It’s no wonder we hear stories of so many pastors who have fallen into sexual sins and committed adultery and left their families and gone on to start other ministries and have been married multiple times. Pastors are subjected to continuous seduction from the women in their congregation by their immodest dress. Ladies, don’t offend your pastor.
I’m here to tell you that when I see women like that in the congregation, I’m not about to make friendships with them because I’m not going to let other women come between me and my husband. I am going to protect my marriage at all costs. I am NOT going to subject my husband to being around women who dress ludely and seductively. If they need that kind of attention, they can seduce their own husband and they can leave mine alone.
I’ve read enough to know that men are visually stimulated to a greater degree than women. My Husband doesn’t go looking for that stimulation. Well let’s be real. He wouldn’t have to go looking for it, even in the church, because there are plenty of women who dress loosely and they think there’s nothing wrong with being a “little sexy”. Some women think it’s the men’s issue if they’re looking at other women.
I once saw in church, a precious woman who I knew was a Christian, who had on a shell top that was too loose and when she bent down to talk to an older frail man who was sitting down, I could see down the front of her blouse from 4 rows back. I’m sure my husband could too and I made sure I distracted him so he wouldn’t look her way. Ladies, I know it’s difficult to find modest clothing but it is worth the effort. I think this woman could have put some double stick tape on her chest so that her top wouldn’t reveal so much. There are ways to alter store bought clothes to make them modest.
First of all, if a woman dresses like a whore or a harlot, she is the seducer and she participates in the man’s sin who looks at her. Jesus said,
You have heard that is was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matt 5:27
Temptation begins in the mind, what the man sees with his eyes goes to his mind and if he dwells on the thoughts and entertains the thoughts and starts a fantasy using those thoughts, the thoughts have moved into his heart, he has committed adultery with her without even touching her. And make no mistake about this either, satan and his evil spirits do put thoughts into our minds to tempt us. The Bible said that the devil comes to steal and to kill and to destroy and he uses every weapon in his arsenal against us. We should not give him any ammunition to use us against each other.
Christian sister, it hurts me deeply when you try to use your body to seduce my husband. You might not have him in mind when you’re putting those clothes on, but he is there with me in the congregation, along with all the other Christian men. And when I’m over the hurt, I get angry because you have offended me and you are endangering my marriage.
You ever heard the expression, mad as a lioness missing her cub? You know what a lioness would do to you if she found you with her cub? She’d rip you to shreds. Well, I’m going to be somewhat like that lioness if you try to mess with my husband. Not a threat, a promise.
And I’m about to the end of my patience with so many Christian women who refuse to take this issue seriously. It might just be time for me to stop being timid and start speaking out about this issue of immodesty. I used to think that it wasn’t really my place to tell someone else that their clothes are offensive to me but maybe it’s time I start telling them. It occurs to me that the reason there are so many Christian women who dress that way is because no one has ever stood up and voiced their objections to it.
I just wonder if the early Jewish women (Ruth, Rachel, Rebecca, Sara, Ester, Naomi) would have put up with this in their culture. Would they have stoned the woman who came to their village to bring destruction to their marriage or anyone’s marriage in their village? What would they have done? I know that even today in some Arabic countries they still kill women and men found in the act of adultery. You might think that is extreme and violent in this permissive culture here in America, but there isn’t a lot of adultery in those countries. I’m not in favor of killing adulterers but I believe we should use our voice to make our objections known. Maybe if we deal with immodesty within our church membership, we can end it and help protect marriage in our church and in our culture.
A man has to be wise and know how to prevent himself from entertaining lustful thoughts to keep himself from falling into the sin of adultery. That is usually an older man, who has studied the WORD and been taught by an older Christian mentor, who has learned how to protect himself from dwelling on what his eyes have seen. Most adolescent boys and young men do not have that training or experience to know how to keep their eyes off of seducing women or images in print. Sadly, I don’t know of very many churches who give that training to the young men, nor do they train the young girls and young women about dressing modestly so as not to bring offense to their Christian brethren.
My husband and I have an agreement that neither one of us will allow ourselves to be alone with a member of the opposite gender in a room or car or anywhere. We will not allow any occasion or even a hint of impropriety to occur. If I am in a room of people and everyone leaves except one of the men, I will leave the room also or I will politely ask the man to leave. My husband has agreed to do the same concerning being alone with a woman. If I have to be alone with a man, such as in a doctor’s office, I will ask that another woman be with me. I will make sure a nurse is present or a female relative or friend be with me.
You might think that I’m being too prudish and too ridiculous, that I’m carrying it too far. I LOVE my husband and my marriage and I will NOT let anyone come between me and my man. I would fight to the death for my marriage and my husband, and I mean that LITERALLY! No other woman is going to destroy or steal my life. I pray over my marriage and bless it, and I will do whatever it takes, to protect it.
I’m not going to allow my husband and myself to keep company with a couple if the wife isn’t also modest and willing to protect her marriage the same as I am doing. If she isn’t married then she must be respectful of my values and my desire to protect my marriage. How many times have you heard that some man cheated on his wife with her best friend? I would not have a friend, best or acquaintance, who doesn’t have the same values that I do concerning marriage. My dearest friend does have the same values and she dresses modestly.
What are you doing to protect your marriage? If you’re not married yet, what plans do you have to protect your future marriage? You might want to make sure that you and your prospective husband have the same strategy in place to protect your marriage, before you have the wedding. I encourage you to have premarital counseling so that you will know how to protect your marriage and make it grow and thrive, because you will be going through hard times eventually and that is when you need to already have your plans in place and be agreed on the strategy ahead of time.
Are you the type of woman who dresses in an immodest way? Have you thought about what affect you might be having with your friends’ husbands or the men in your church?
If Jesus were to come and stand right in front of you, would you be embarrassed for HIM, the Saviour of the world, God the Son, to look at you? Would you be baring your bosom to HIM? You might think that God sees you all the time even when you’re naked. No, I’m talking about the Son of God who came in the flesh as a man. The ONE Who has nail prints in HIS hands. The ONE who lived on this earth in a culture when women dressed modestly and did not bare their chest. In HIS day the only women who dressed immodestly were whores and harlots, prostitutes.
What value do you place on modesty? If you are a Christian, you should have the same value as does God. Modesty is BEST! He set a more excellent standard for us, to protect us and to bless us. If we care about and love our Christian brothers and sisters, we should place a high value on our modesty, both men and women.
And you know what else, we need to show the world a better way. We do not need to join in with the world. We are called out of the world to be a separate people. We need to let them see Jesus in us. If we dress and act and do all that we do, the same way that the world does, we can’t make a difference for the cause of Christ. We should make the Christian life appealing to the unbelievers - not allow their way to be appealing to us.
I am pro-active in protecting my marriage, because I love my husband and because I love the Lord. HE gave my husband to me and HE has a plan and purpose to bless my marriage.
Y’all have a wonderful week and enjoy this beautiful weather!